I Miss the Person I Used to Be

By Deanna Singleton, Guest Columnist

I'm not the same person I was 8 years ago. It's not because I went through a tragic life experience or that I finally figured out the point of life.

It was that one day, all of a sudden, I opened my eyes in the morning and both my legs were in pain. And over the course of the last 8 years it keeps getting worse. I have advanced spinal stenosis, three bulging discs and degenerative disc disease.

It’s now to the point that at the age of 36, it takes everything I have to get in the shower or to just make a dinner for my kids and hubby. And if I actually do take a shower or do dishes, I'm usually in tears from the pain. I can't move the rest of the day from that small activity. Some days, just the water hitting or running over my skin is enough to make the average person want to die.

I want my life back. I didn't ask for this daily pain.

The first thing I think about when I open my eyes in the morning is where are my medications. I have to take pain medication just to walk through my house or to play with my children.

DEANNA SINGLETON

I used to have a very clean home. Now, not so much. Now it’s normal to walk into my home and see a mountain of clothes filling one whole couch. I loved to clean my house and make it a beautiful home for my family. I used to be out in my garden or flower beds, because that's my happy place. But I can no longer go there.

I used to be able to take my three girls on a walk to the park. Or walk the mall. Now I'm just lucky to be able to walk the grocery store, using the cart as a walker just long enough to get stuff for dinner.

Last but not least, I used to be a great wife. Smiling, happy and at the door to greet my husband after working a long hard day, with makeup and hair done. To make sure he remembers why he comes home every day. 

It's hard to feel pretty when you hurt so bad. Now I'm probably on the couch or in bed with my pajamas still on. With no makeup and hair in a messy bun. No more greetings at the door. And a smile no where to be found.

I used to be a great partner who was loving and affectionate. Who made sure my husband was happy in every way. Now it hurts so bad that we both just feel terrible afterwards.  Me because of the pain level, and him because he feels bad and that it's his fault now.

I used to work at two jobs, until I lost my pain meds due to my doctor not being comfortable any longer prescribing opioids because of the CDC guidelines and our local DEA. I was told by the doctor that he could no longer prescribe my medication.  And just like that, I went from 190 mg of oxycodone a day down to zero. No tapering.  My body then went into massive withdrawal.  I thought I was going to die. And since then I can no longer work.

In the state of Oregon we find no relief or sympathetic doctors who are willing to prescribe these life saving opiates that have been proven to give me my life back. And it's all because doctors are too scared of the CDC and the DEA to treat us patients, who rely on these meds to have any function or quality of life.

I have never wanted someone to cut into my body so bad. But no surgeon will do my surgery till I turn 40. My primary care provider will barely give me tramadol.  I've been to every specialist possible. And gone through countless medications, physical therapies and injections.

I'm just asking our medical doctors to do the job they once probably loved and not be so afraid to treat their patients as they know best. And let me be the mom and wife I used to be, and know I can be once again.

I just want my life back. For my kids, my marriage and for a somewhat active life.  I will start my life at 40.  I will probably be the happiest woman ever to return 40.

Deanna Singleton lives in Oregon with her family.  She is a proud supporter of #PatientsNotAddicts on Facebook and on Twitter.

Pain News Network invites other readers to share their stories with us.  Send them to:  editor@PainNewsNetwork.org.

The information in this column should not be considered as professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It is for informational purposes only and represent the author’s opinions alone. It does not inherently express or reflect the views, opinions and/or positions of Pain News Network.

My Life with Spinal Stenosis

By Brandis Standridge

I was a young, 16-year old track athlete the first time I experienced my back “going out.” The spasms, the pain and the sciatica were horrible. 

My family physician did everything right and I learned how to manage my symptoms for the next twenty years, although each time by back went out it was a little worse than the last.

At 37, my back went out again. I found out that I had severe spinal stenosis on multiple levels due to facet and ligament hypertrophy. Basically, osteoarthritis had overgrown the ligaments and joints in my spine so badly that it was crushing my spinal cord on 10 levels.

I was referred to several pain management specialists.  All of them were horrible.  I had to fill out lengthy questionnaires and they refused to give me pain medication unless I consented to their procedures.

They pushed for spinal injections and for fusion surgery, even while admitting the surgery had only a 50/50 success rate. I refused.

Never in my entire life have I felt as segregated, helpless, victimized, and scared as I have dealing with these specialized "professionals.” After the last one, I returned to my family physician in tears and told her I would rather live in agony than be forced into procedures and treated as if I were some local street addict before they even knew me.

BRANDIS STANDRIDGE

Two years ago I had to move.  My doctor gave me a letter of reference, medical and MRI records, and a report from my state pharmacy board. All of this was to help the new doctor with the vetting process to help get me treatment. But, it started all over again; the assumptions, ultimatums, and power plays: "If you don't do this, you won't get medication.”

Once again I refused to be without choices or a voice of my own.

I am a former social worker.  I know how to advocate and refuse to be pushed into procedures that will more than likely hurt me more in the long and short term.  I refuse to let doctors push me into places where I have no voice, where I am not able to be a member of my medical treatment team.

I did eventually find a doctor. Our relationship is a bit tense at times but I am receiving the care that I choose.

We have a right to choose our medical procedures without fear of punishment. We have a right to be active in our treatment and to live as pain free as possible.

Never lose faith in yourself. Never stop having hope.  We are chronic pain warriors, not victims!

Brandis Standridge lives in Idaho.

Pain News Network invites other readers to share their stories with us.

Send them to:  editor@PainNewsNetwork.org.

The information in this column should not be considered as professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It is for informational purposes only and represents the author’s opinions alone. It does not inherently express or reflect the views, opinions and/or positions of Pain News Network.

Physical Therapy vs. Surgery for Spinal Stenosis

By Pat Anson, Editor

Physical therapy works just as well as surgery in relieving pain and other symptoms of lumbar spinal stenosis in older patients, according to researchers at the University of Pittsburgh.

Their two year-year study, published in the Annals of Internal Medicine, is believed to be the first that compares outcomes between surgery and physical therapy (PT) for spinal stenosis, a condition caused by narrowing of the spinal canal that causes pain, numbness and weakness in the lower back.  Decompression surgery to relieve pressure on spinal nerves has become a fast-growing intervention in today's older population.

"Probably the biggest point to put across to physicians, patients and practitioners is: Patients don't exhaust all of their non-surgical options before they consent to surgery. And physical therapy is one of their non-surgical options," said principal investigator Anthony Delitto, PhD, chair of the Department of Physical Therapy, University of Pittsburgh School of Health and Rehabilitation Sciences.

Delitto, a physical therapist, was puzzled why some patients responded well to physical therapy  and others to surgery.

In his study, 169 patients aged 50 and older with spinal stenosis agreed to be randomly assigned to two groups: Those who would have decompression surgery and those who would have two standardized physical therapy sessions each week for six weeks.

In his study, 169 patients aged 50 and older with spinal stenosis agreed to be randomly assigned to two groups: Those who would have decompression surgery and those who would have two standardized physical therapy sessions each week for six weeks.

After both groups were re-examined at intervals of six months, one year and two years, the patient outcomes appeared to be about equal. There were no detectable differences between the groups in how their pain abated and the degree to which function was restored in their backs, buttocks and legs.

"The idea we had was to really test the two approaches head to head," said Delitto. "Both groups improved, and they improved to the same degree. Now, embedded in that, there are patients who did well in surgery, and patients who failed in surgery. There are patients who did well in PT, and there are patients who failed with PT. But when we looked across the board at all of those groups, their success and failure rates were about the same."

The research project also revealed issues surrounding physical therapy and the cost of co-pay – which apparently discourage some patients from continuing their treatment.

"One of the big things that we know held patients back from PT were co-payments," Dr. Delitto added. "Patients were on Medicare, and a lot of them were on fixed incomes. Some of those co-payments had to come out of pocket at $25, $30, $35 per visit. That adds up, and some of the patients just couldn't afford it."

Most patients didn't finish the PT regimen allowed under Medicare and one-third of the patients failed to complete even half of the regimen. About one in six didn't show for a single treatment, though they had agreed to consider physical therapy.