How to Overcome Suicidal Thoughts and Find Hope
/By Ann Marie Gaudon, PNN Columnist
Over the course of our lives, every single one of us will have painful thoughts and emotions in response to adversities and challenges. A sense of hope that we will either cope with or overcome the adversity helps to keep us going.
But when all hope is gone, this can lead to the desire to leave life itself. Hopelessness and helplessness are key factors in the decision to escape a life that is seen as unbearable.
Globally, we lose over 700,000 people to suicide every year. That tells us millions of people are suffering, both mentally and physically, struggling and searching for relief which too often does not come.
Suicide causes heartache and grief for those left behind, affecting families and entire communities. If that weren’t enough, knowing someone who died by suicide is linked to an increased risk for suicide and other mental health challenges.
Suicidologists have developed various theories in an attempt to identify common factors across suicidal experiences. Here are three:
Interpersonal Theory of Suicide
The person no longer feels they belong in a healthy sense, but rather feels like a burden to others. They see their situation as never changing, and therefore hopeless.
Three-Step Theory of Suicide
Step 1: The combination of pain and hopelessness causes suicidal desire.
Step 2: Suicidal desire intensifies when pain exceeds or overwhelms connectedness.
Step 3: Strong suicidal desire progresses to suicide attempts if a capability for suicide is present.
Although this theory differs in certain ways, it similarly advises that psychological or physical pain must be accompanied by hopelessness to cause suicidal desire.
The Integrated Motivational-Volitional Model
This model’s hypothesis is that “entrapment” or feeling there is no escape from the adversity drives the suicidal behaviour. Entrapment refers to a specific sense of being stuck, whereas hopelessness refers to a sense of pessimism. Hope appears to “weaken the relationship between entrapment and suicidal desire.”
The aim of these researchers is to identify the factors which shift suicidal thoughts into suicidal behaviour, in order to reduce or eradicate these factors and save lives. They all posit that hope is necessary even in the face of intolerable pain, whether physical or emotional.
One thing I have learned as a therapist is that people have a choice only if they believe they have a choice. Hope must ring true to a person’s reality.
Seek Social Support
Research shows us that social isolation is associated with increased risk of suicide, while social support is related to a decreased risk. Who in your life’s circle has the headspace to support you, listen to you, and help you when needed? Your spouse, family, friends, neighbours, colleagues, and clergy – can you count on their support?
Sometimes, a person’s only support is their therapist. Support is a protective factor and necessary as an antidote to social isolation.
Attend to Your Emotions
Trying to avoid or distract yourself from your emotions will only have them rebound back to you and be even more invasive. As emotional pain is one driver of suicidal thoughts, get some help to process what you are feeling.
Can you notice and name what you are feeling? Can you accept what you are feeling without being overwhelmed by it? Do you recognize the message within the emotion? Are you aware of, and capable of self-compassion directed toward your pain?
Quite often I see the need for self-compassion and the need for support from others simultaneously. Once you can let your emotions be just as they are, are you able to shift yourself into soothing your psychological pain? Are you capable of moving into a more valued direction?
If you have answered “no” to any or all of these questions, a trained therapist can help you.
Broaden Your Perspective
The hopelessness theory of depression tells us that most people who feel hopeless believe their struggles are unique to them (internal) or about them (global struggles), and that these struggles are unchangeable.
Therapeutic work can help to unravel why a person might believe that they themselves are hopeless. Talk and other techniques can reveal where these beliefs began and why. When the origins of erroneous, negative beliefs are understood, they can be replaced with beliefs that are based in reality and not a product of emotional reasoning (e.g. “I feel like I have no worth, therefore it must be true”).
Global struggles can often be tamed with the support of a group. Support groups offer a multitude of protective factors such as encouragement, friendship and guidance. You can be with people who can truly empathize with you and comfort you as an antidote to your own disappointment, frustration and confusion. Peer support can be powerfully protective and also help to dissipate any stigma you may be feeling toward yourself or situation.
Gain a Purpose
The antidote to feeling powerless is to feel empowered. Again, peer support from a support group can contribute to a sense of empowerment and purpose. Reduced isolation, empathy from others, and an increase of information and awareness are all threads in the fabric of assertion, better life choices, and a sense of hope that the situation can be changed. If it can’t, then your perspective about the situation can be improved.
Support groups are effective because they bring together people who all share something in common. This creates a support system. With most gatherings now online, you can find a support group for virtually any issue.
For example, I am a person in pain, so I can find these similarities, support and empowerment from an organization in my country: The Chronic Pain Association of Canada. I also belong to a smaller support group with a very specific ailment in common. One of my diagnoses is interstitial cystitis/painful bladder syndrome, so I also belong to The Happy Pelvis for the same benefits.
The Takeaway Message
No one can make it alone. Life is a collaboration and we often need help and support. There is no shame in this, it is the human condition. Suffering is what unites us -- it does not separate us from the crowd.
Whatever your challenge, you are not alone. Get the help you deserve and surround yourself with supportive allies. When you are feeling more empowered and stronger in general, you can be a part of change. That change may be within yourself or it may be a part of the outside world. Where there is help, there is hope.
Ann Marie Gaudon is a registered social worker and psychotherapist in the Waterloo region of Ontario, Canada with a specialty in chronic pain management. She has been a chronic pain patient for over 30 years and works part-time as her health allows. For more information about Ann Marie's counseling services, visit her website.
If you are in crisis and live in Canada, help is available by calling the Canada Suicide Prevention Service at 833-456-4566. If you live in the US, help is available by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TALK). You can also call 911 for immediate help..
