Being Judged for My Invisible Disability

By Victoria Reed, PNN Columnist

One of the things that irritate me is when people have complete disregard for disability parking spaces and park in them without a permit.

Recently, my family and I traveled to another state for a wedding. While we were there, we decided to check out a popular outdoor tourist attraction. Being that it was a weekend, the attraction was quite crowded. As we entered the parking lot, it was clear that we would either need to wait for a parking space or leave altogether. We decided to take our chances and wait.

Then I noticed a car parked in one of the disability spaces without the required permit. While the car had been ticketed by the National Park Service, I was a little annoyed because I have a disability placard (prescribed by a rheumatologist), and we could have parked in that space. Or someone else who is disabled could have.

My disability placard has been invaluable to me over the years, as I suffer from at least two of the “invisible” illnesses—rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia. On days when my RA or fibromyalgia is at its worst, I utilize the placard and park in a space that would help minimize my walking distance. Sometimes both conditions work in-tandem to make my life miserable, causing joint pain and muscle pain/weakness.

I know I may not look disabled on some days. I try to put myself together before going out (no offense to those who are unable to), and I don’t use a wheelchair, scooter, cane or walker on a regular basis. I have used wheelchairs and electric scooters in the past while attending sprawling places like Universal Studios, zoos or other venues with my kids or where there would be significant walking involved.

Because I often don’t appear like a person who is disabled, I have received the “looks” from people when exiting my car after parking in a disabled parking space. I’ve also gotten nasty stares when I pull in and don’t hang my disability parking tag right away.

I wish that people would not be so judgmental, but sadly, some are! You never know what a person might be struggling with that’s not readily apparent. I always try to keep that in mind. If a person doesn’t use assistive devices, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are not needed or mean that a person is completely well. 

Not only is the pain of RA and fibromyalgia a significant issue for me, so is the profound fatigue that accompanies both of these conditions. Some days, even if I’m not having active joint or muscle pain, the fatigue can be nearly incapacitating and make walking (or doing just about anything) difficult. In addition, the fatigue causes shortness of breath. People can’t usually see that.

Another thing that I’ve noticed in this Covid era is the decrease in disability parking spaces as retailers reassign those spaces for drive-up purchase pickup. I don’t have a problem with the drive-up spaces, as I often use them myself on more difficult days, but it’s a little concerning when disability parking spaces are reduced in favor of those. On better days, I like to park and go into stores because moving my body is good for me, regardless of the pain and/or fatigue I might be experiencing that day.

Hopefully, if Covid-19 ever completely goes away, retailers will add back those disability parking spaces that they took. We need those spaces!

It’s possible that someday I might need the regular use of a cane, walker or wheelchair, but until then, having an invisible illness and parking in a disability space will probably get more negative attention than it should. Yes, it bothers me when people judge me and assume that I don’t have a disability, but I will continue to keep my head up and go about my business.

As a chronic pain patient, I’ve learned to be tough, and I’ve had to develop a thick skin about be judged. Their problem is not my problem. However, my problem could someday become their problem! We are all just one accident, injury or illness away from possible disability. 

As for a parking space at that tourist attraction, we got one after about a 10 minute wait. I can’t complain too much about that!

Victoria Reed lives in Cleveland, Ohio. She suffers from endometriosis, fibromyalgia, degenerative disc disease and rheumatoid arthritis.