By Carol Levy, PNN Columnist

For many years I was alone with my trigeminal neuralgia. There was no one to talk to about it, no one else who had it, and no one who could understand the terror of it. I longed for someone I could talk with, another person who would nod understandably and share their own stories of how TN was affecting them.

Years later, I was in the car listening to the radio and heard the announcer say “trigeminal neuralgia.”

My heart did a somersault and I yelled out, “Listen to that! They said trigeminal neuralgia!”

I calmed down and listened carefully as the announcer said, “The trigeminal neuralgia support group meets once a month at the City Hospital.”

It’s what I had been praying for.

I went to a few of the meetings. The people were nice and, to my amazement, the group was very large. There were 20 or 30 people, sometimes more, including spouses, family and friends of the person with TN.

There was support and encouragement, interspersed with speakers who spoke about various treatments, explanations for the pain, and even crackpot theories -- which thankfully the members objected to. Little by little, the group grew smaller; more often than not the support lessened and the number of speakers grew.

For quite some time it seemed that the group had simply vanished. Then I started getting email notices again announcing the date and time of the meetings. They had returned, but now there were only 6 or 10 people, always the same ones, and the support seemed to be more of a get-together for these now friends.

Once in a while, someone new came and spoke about their pain. They did get support, before the group turned back to its core members talking with one another. The new person rarely returned.

Then the meetings went from monthly to just 6 times a year, 3 in the spring and 3 in the fall. It was usually two meetings with speakers or information about ways to deal with the pain. The third meeting was only for “sharing.”   

For me, the support felt lacking.

I decided to go to the phone book (in my area we still get one) and look up support groups. I was gladdened to see at least 150 listed. But I was dismayed when I found not one was for chronic pain. The closest any of them came was for specific diseases that have pain as a symptom, such as multiple sclerosis or lupus.

There are many support groups on Facebook, but that’s not always the best place to find support. Some are terrific and the members are truly there for each other, but too many others become an arena for back stabbing, misinformation and drama.

There is something to be said for meeting in person with the people you have gone to for support. But why is it so hard to find a support group for “just” chronic pain? The cries for support are loud and clear, but the willingness to start the groups or go to them doesn't seem to be.

Carol Jay Levy has lived with trigeminal neuralgia, a chronic facial pain disorder, for over 30 years. She is the author of “A Pained Life, A Chronic Pain Journey.”  Carol is the moderator of the Facebook support group “Women in Pain Awareness.” Her blog “The Pained Life” can be found here.