By Beth Sweet, Guest Columnist

I keep a journal and usually write about my symptoms and medical appointments. But today I vented and afterwards realized this might be something I should share.

I'm doing really bad with writing lately. It's just so hard to find the motivation to do anything. Between pain, exhaustion, migraines and IBS every day, I feel like crap! I'm so sick of feeling like this. I just want to feel like a normal human being again and not wake up every day realizing that isn't going to happen.

Lately I've been wondering if I even have fibromyalgia or if I was misdiagnosed. We have tried so many treatments for it and none of them work. I feel like a guinea pig half the time. Do doctors even know what they are doing?

I've tried over 19 medications and treatments. So far, the only thing that helps is what all the doctors say isn't recommended for fibro and that's oxycodone. I'm in my own body, know what I feel, and what works. But I'm too afraid to ask my doctor for a therapeutic dose instead of a bare minimum dose that only gets me a few hours of relief a day.

All because of this damned opioid epidemic!

They freak out about addicts overdosing on opioid medication, but addicts will find a fix even without prescriptions. What about chronic pain patients who are killing themselves because they can't get treatment for their pain?

I wish the politicians and lawmakers could suffer from chronic pain for a while and get treated like we are. I bet then the laws would change! I don't think they could survive it.

I'M SICK OF PAIN! Sick of crushing, aching, searing, cramping, stabbing, stiff, radiating, grinding, burning, tingling, constant pain. When I sit, stand, walk or lay in one position for too long. Headaches and migraines over half the month. PAIN ALL THE TIME!

But I can't ask a doctor for what I know works because everyone is in a panic about opioids. I am on the lowest possible dose. I get just enough for 4-6 hours of relief a day! God forbid I have a flare that makes it nearly impossible to move and lasts for days. It's not fair!

I want to go to church.

I want to go to my kids’ events

I want to be able to earn an income and be a functioning member of society

I want to not have my kids feel like they must take care of me. It's supposed to be the other way around!

I want to get well, but that's never going to happen. I must live with the fact that I am going to feel like crap on varying levels for the rest of my life.

Think about that. If someone told you that from this moment until the day you die you are going to be in pain, exhausted and unable to lead a normal life. That we don't know how to cure you or even if there is a cure. We aren't even sure what's wrong with you. We've tried everything and none of it has worked. Maybe it's all in your head.

How would that make you feel? Frustrated? Hopeless? Pissed? Sad?

And what if those same people who told you they don't fully understand your illness will not give you the one drug that gives you relief because "it's not an approved treatment for your diagnosis." They’ve already admitted knowing very little about it anyway!

What if they treated you like a drug addict because you asked for a medication that finally gives you some pain relief?  I have no problem getting medication for my thyroid, insulin resistance, anemia, IBS or any of my other health issues. But God forbid I ask for treatment for chronic pain.

I don't take those meds to get high. I don't even understand how people do, they don't affect me that way. I take them to get some of my life back. Is my life worth anything to these doctors and politicians?  I'm 38 and a hermit because of my pain and health issues. I've been sick for years and getting worse.  

I want to make something clear. I'm not going to kill myself. I have my family to live for. Even when my life feels worthless, I think of them. But not every chronic pain paint has that because this illness causes isolation and hopelessness. And no, we aren't in pain because we are depressed. We are depressed because we are in pain. There is a difference, so please stop giving us antidepressants to use as pain meds!

Stop ignoring chronic pain patients. Some are at the point where they can't take the pain anymore and the doctors that could save their lives are too concerned with the opioid epidemic to help!

I hope to find a doctor someday that thinks my life is worth living.

Beth Sweet lives in Michigan.

Pain News Network invites other readers to share their stories with us. Send them to editor@painnewsnetwork.org.

The information in this column should not be considered as professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It is for informational purposes only and represents the author’s opinions alone. It does not inherently express or reflect the views, opinions and/or positions of Pain News Network.