"Pain Pacifist"

By Angelika Byczkowski

Pain warrior no longer,

I surrender,

give up the fight,

become a pacifist.

Pain is far too big,

too strong for me

to stand against,

curb or contain.

It spills over

the edge of my meds,

trampling barriers

of mind eroded

by long-sustained

assault, it gives

no pause, no rest,

no redemption.

I'm worn down,

too exhausted

to continue this

unending battle,

fighting my own

invisible torment,

running wild in

this broken body.

Dreams for the future

lie shattered, love

of life destroyed,

lost to pain, and

the way ahead

looks even worse,

I change my route,

try something new.

I declare a truce,

one-sided, still

it brings me moments

of gentle calm,

when a window

opens briefly,

gives me a glimpse

of possible peace.

Angelika Byczkowski suffers from Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and fibromyalgia. Until she was disabled by progressive pain and fatigue, Angelika was a high tech IT maven at Apple and Yahoo. She lives in California’s Santa Cruz Mountains with her husband and various 4-legged kids.

When pain isn't keeping her flat on her back, she spends her limited energy researching and blogging about chronic pain, EDS, and fibromyalgia at EDS Info.

Pain News Network invites other readers to share their stories (and poems) with us. 

Send them to:  editor@PainNewsNetwork.org.